I could do everything on my own cause, I were born to be alone.

"Nobody wants to get near the black cat that brings misfortune." I whispered to myself and smiled a smile of pain.

A promise to myself - never get to deep involved into other peoples life.

Sooner or later, people would notice that I'm no good to be around. Then it's too late, because then I have already hurt them, without my intending.

So, before it goes too far - I hurt them on purpose. I hurt those I actually love, just to keep a distance between them and me.

So, when they yell at me, say that they never want to see me again, I painfully think

"This is for the best."

Cause, nobody wants a black cat that only brings misfortune.

 

"Tell me when you decided this was for the best." she said.
"I have never liked you, and I never will." I said with a laugh. "Who do you think you are?" I continued. "Someone special to me?" I said coldly. My voice was deep and loud.

My feelings yelled at me to stop, but I did not listening. I swallowed the fear and the pain, like thousands of times before.

"I hate you! Do not show your face in front of me again!" she said and ran away.

I stretched out my hand, but stopped myself.

"I'm sorry. But this is for the best." I whispered in the wind. A part of me wished that the wind would carry my words to her and let her know my true feelings.

 

I don't need a real home. My home is where I stay for the night.

But when the rain comes, I drown.

Both in memories and feelings.

I've always been strong, but when the rain falls... I can't stop myself from crying.

 

"It doesn’t even matter.  Nobody would notice if they saw me. Cause after all, the tears hides in the pouring rain.

 

I couldn't even see the stars anymore.

The fog in the city had grown too deep.

No light could shine through it.

 

"You have to look upon the stars. Or else your heart get lost." he said.

"Don't tell me stuff i already know." I muttered. "But here in the city, the fog hides the stars. I can't see them. Or else they just have stopped to shine upon me."

"You have to open up your eyes and raise your sights high." You said and smiled.

"Look" you said, pointing to the sky.

 

Then I saw them. Thousands of stars that shined over me and the pitch black sky that proudly looked down on earth and me.

"See." you said with hope in your voice. "They are always with you, waiting for you to bring them home again."

"Home?" I asked and sighed.

You smiled. "Yes, home. Home, in your heart."

I didn’t answer him. I was looking at the night sky.

"You know." you said.

"Even if the night sky is too big and the fog covers it, the stars still are there. It's when you stop believe they are gone forever."

 

"How do I know if I’ve given up or not?" I asked still whit my eyes on the night sky.

"I know that the big and sensitive heart of yours is covered of sadness. Just like the big black night sky and the fog. But like I said, behind all the fog the stars still shine."

"Stop hurting people you love on purpose." you said and walked away from the park.

"See you again soon, kid." he said and waved at me with his back turned to me.

 

The man who let me stay with him after I ran away from home when I was little, was now gone.  This man had always watched over me in the shadows when I decided to live alone. It could take months, even a year before he showed up again.

I smiled.

"Don’t be stupid." I said and started walking.

 

I was on my way out to one of my favorite places to sleep on when I saw you. You were walking with a boy, not much older than me. You were laughing and smiled like you never done it before.

Quickly, before you noticed me, I silently hid myself in the shadows of the trees.  Just like a cat I climbed up in the trees and looked you from above.

“I love you.” He said to you and kissed your cheek.
“I love you too.” you answered and blushed.

And then the rain started to fall. For the first time since I was a child, i felt relieved by the rain. The cold drops cooled my head and stopped my thoughts from spinning.
“Like everything else. This is for the best.” I mumbled and jumped down from the tree.

With my hands in my pockets, I started to walk. It wasn’t right to sneak up on them. And I didn't want to be discovered of neither of them. But then I did a very foolish and childish mistake. I fell on a stone.

“Damn it!” I muttered.
“Oh, are you ok?! You fell pretty…” she could not continue talking.

She stared straight into my eyes and seemed very surprised.
“What are you doing out here?” she asked me with a weak voice.
“I am taking a walk.” I said while I got up off the ground.
“Oh.” she said.
“Well. Bye.” I said coldly and started to walk.
“Wait!” You grabbed my hand. You looked at me and took me in your arms. You tighten your grip.
"God, i won't let you slip." you said.

 

I was in shock. What are you doing? My thoughts spun around like a merry-go-round.

After a few seconds, I took my arms around you and buried my face in your hair and smiled.

 

“I thought that I never was going to see you again.” She said and sounded relieved.

I couldn’t make a sound. The person I liked so much stood in front of me and had no knowing what I saw about ten minutes ago. That was awkward.

 

"I'm sorry." I whispered and and loosened her grip around me. “You have to go back to him.” I said and pointed at the road. “He waits for you.”

the pain in your eyes was as clear as the pain in my heart.

“I don’t want to.” You said with a voice that told me that you were about to cry.

I was about to say so many horrible words, all on purpose for your sake. Those words should have hurt you so deeply but I stopped myself. I smiled Instead.

“You know. He over there, he is much better than me. Go to him.”

Your hair was black as the night sky and your eyes was like all the thousands stars. And proudly I looked on you and smiled. From your eyes diamonds started to fall.

”Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?”

“No. No, you didn’t.” I answered.

“Then why do you do this?” you asked me painfully.

“You know, I’m a black cat that only brings misfortune.” I said I turned my back on you.

“See you again, some day over the clouds.” I said and raised my head at the night sky and smiled.

 

I was not ready to take my stars home again, even if old man told me to do it.

Done is done. I’ve done a lot of stupid mistakes and I for sure going to do a lot more. But this time I’m going to be prepared.  I said for myself when I started to go towards my future.

 

And then the memories went back to the past,

right where they belonged.

 

 

End.