There was nothing I wanted to do, nothing I wanted to be. I became a captive in my own body. I had no chances to take a step forward.

I had my family and I had my best friend, but all of them felt so far away. It was like I didn’t belong in their world. They saw me and I saw them, but I couldn’t reach out to them. It was like we didn't used the same language.

I couldn’t even force myself to smile anymore. And all I ever did turned out to be a disappointment or a misunderstanding.

I didn’t want to drag them down. And it pained me so badly to see their hope of smiling me to come back again slowly faded away.

I felt like an idiot. I wanted to get rid of my uselessness. Of me.

Of all I hated, I hated myself the most.

I wanted to make it easier for my family and my best friend to have a happy life, a happy life without a single worry about me. 

I wanted to kill myself, so I tried.
And I failed.